REVIEWS of SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces

Book Cover

Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of “SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces” by Jan Kaa Kristensen.

4 out of 4 stars

With more than fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, many of these divorces usually end on a sour note. Are you a divorcee? Or you are a person going through a difficult marital separation. SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces by Jan Kaa Kristensen, a clinical psychologist, offers timeless advice for couples and single parents battling separation and child custody matters. It explores the themes of family, separation, child upbringing, as well as emotional and mental health.

The book is divided into ten chapters that highlight specific action points in detail. Chapters one to five focused on the personal groundwork needed to become a better co-parent. Chapters six to nine emphasized the need for collaborative cooperation between parents, the importance of seeking help from their support network, and how to go about it. The final chapter was dedicated to couples with special circumstances like couples dealing with alcohol addiction, substance abuse, and many more.

I agree with the author’s point of view. The book’s central theme revolves around the need for parents to put the welfare of the children first while sorting out their marital issues.

I admire Jan Kaa Kristensen’s conversational style of writing. He writes with the expertise of one who is knowledgeable in the subject. Throughout the book, the author used citations of scholarly works to bolster his points. Also, the author used anecdotes of real-life couples (even though it had been fictionalized) in his explanations. Knowing about their struggles made the reading more practical and relatable.

I like that the book did not waste much time apportioning blames or crying over spilled milk. The author’s primary concern was on co-working and achieving collaborative cooperation between both parents. I also liked the author’s attempts at explaining relevant scientific terms/topics at the end of every chapter. He made terms like emotional mirroring more understandable to the average reader. At the end of every chapter, there are insightful questions for the reader. These contributed a lot to the practicality of the ideas in the book, not just a bunch of unrealistic theoretical recommendations. For these reasons, I am rating the book 4 out of 4 stars. Also, the book was well edited because I noticed only a few grammatical errors.

I highly recommend it to divorcees or people currently going through divorce proceedings, especially those who have children involved. It is also a good recommendation for couples going through a tough time in their marriage. Young adults in relationships that are contemplating tying the knot will also benefit from reading this book. On a final note, there is nothing to dislike about the book. All the lessons on managing disagreement and de-escalating conflict highlighted in the book were beneficial.


4 out of 4 stars

The words “Till death do us part” seem to be the perfect ending in every marriage. It holds the promise that wherever life takes you, you know you have someone with you throughout the journey. But, for some people, those words remind them that not all stories are meant to have a happy ending. That some stories are like death marches. Thus, they resort to divorce. But not all divorces end up well for both parties, and most likely, the most affected of all, are the children caught in between the separation. Jan Kaa Kristensen’sSplitting Up Without Falling to Pieces talks about how couples could recalibrate their lives after breaking up and how they can help their children as well. Kristensen walks the reader through the different stages of grieving, accepting, moving towards life after the split.

The book contains different scenarios that people who have gone through a divorce could relate to. It provides questions for self-assessment and solutions to address the problems that are met along the way. It also provided ways to help the children deal with the divorce of their parents and how can parents work together in their co-parenting.

The language used in this book is simple and easy to understand. The author also made sure that the stories incorporated in the discussions are relatable. These stories were created from the different experiences the author had encountered. This could be the reason why the book, especially the stories, creates a notion that someone out there understood what every divorcee has and will go through. This could be deduced from the fact that the author is an experienced psychologist who has worked with divorced parents and children for so many years.

I learned so much from this book. It helped me understand what needs to be prioritized when one goes through a painful separation. That it is important to take care of oneself so that you may take care of others. Also, it helped me empathize more with the ones who bear witness to the divorce. Although there are minimal errors, it didn’t distract my reading flow. Therefore, I’d rate this a 4/4.

I will recommend this book to all couples who are going through a divorce so that they’ll be made aware of different ways they can navigate this new chapter in their lives, and to children who have to see their parents go through it. However, unmarried readers, like me, are welcome to read since no knowledge is a waste, and this might help anyone who is thinking of getting married or going through a conflict with their partners.

Review by mamta madhavan — SPLITTING UP without falling…

4 out of 4 stars

Post by mamta madhavan » 07 May 2021, 00:24[Following is a volunteer review of “SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces” by Jan Kaa Kristensen.]
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4 out of 4 stars

‘SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces’ by Jan Kaa Kristensen is an engaging book that can be looked upon as a handy manual to divorced parents who are looking forward to making good choices not only for themselves but also for their children, post splitting up. The book is not about good divorces but is all about taking care of the children in a situation like that and getting along well with the co-parent. One gets to read a lot about divorce and this book is a good tool to make readers understand they need not fall apart during a divorce, and though some might look at divorce as being liberating and natural, there are many others who do not look at it the same way. The book focuses on taking the focus away from the divorce and the fictional stories shared in the book are stories that have inspired the author in one way or the other and they will also inspire the readers. The author begins every chapter by giving central ideas in them and concludes them with questions to ask yourself. The theme in each chapter also has a story of Rosa and Allan, Katja and Kasper, and other couple stories to go with it which makes it easy for the readers to connect with what the author is trying to convey to them.

I enjoyed the book mainly for the reason the tips and suggestions in the book are simple and can be incorporated easily to bring in positive changes once divorce happens. The author deals with the topic methodically and organically and that makes it easy for the readers to decipher her words and switch to the chapter which has the topic they are looking for to guide them. Reading this book is useful to make a good framework for all those readers looking to make one but do not know how to go about it. The stories shared will help readers comprehend what could happen in their lives during and after a divorce.

What I felt lacking in the book was that it offered nothing new or different to the reader when it came to speaking about the topic of divorce and picking up the pieces of life after that. He speaks about everything that is commonly found in most of the other books dealing with divorce and most importantly the aftermath. Though the subject has been covered extensively readers can get what is discussed in the book from any other book that deals with the topic of coping after a divorce.

Though the book has nothing new to offer, I am still giving it 4 out of 4 stars because the author has tackled the subject with both finesse and expertise, and it has been formatted and laid out well for the readers to understand it easily. He has dealt with it in a way that makes it interesting and is not too preachy when it comes to giving suggestions for the readers. It is easy to go through the contents and apply them to their lives if required.

Review by zehra syed — SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces

Post by zehra syed » 16 May 2021, 11:49[Following is a volunteer review of “SPLITTING UP without falling to pieces” by Jan Kaa Kristensen.]

4 out of 4 stars

Book Cover

“Am I making the right decision? ” is the most common question that occurs in one’s mind before filing for divorce. The book SPLITTING-UP without falling apart to pieces is written by Jan Kaa Krristensen. The main focus of this book is on relationship conflicts and the struggles divorced people go through before and after. There are times when a person needs someone for guidance and suddenly nobody is around, this is when a person ends up making the wrong decision. Divorce is not something to be decided nimbly. The book itself provides realistic advice to the reader.

There are a total of ten chapters and each chapter focuses on a specific situation. The author’s way of putting these situations into words makes the reader question themselves, ” am I making the right decision “. Every chapter is supported by a specific story that perfectly describes the circumstances a person goes through during the whole process of divorce.

Being a certified psychologist and specialist in clinical psychology, Jan Kaa Kristensen – the author mentioned, Some of these stories are in fact inspired by being a part of several kinds of researches and real-life experiences but the characters are fictional. The author of course did not back off in explaining the emotional rollercoaster these fictional characters go through. Each chapter explains a particular situation from point of view of both parties. It is adequately described how a single decision influences the partner, but children, and other people as well. The author discusses the importance of having an understanding between both parties for the sake of children and themselves as well. I admire how the author has demonstrated the impacts of divorce on each individual of the family and how it can severely affect the future of children as well. The author also has modestly explained how a rift between ex impacts the mental health of children.

There is a questioning section that comes at the end of each chapter, I personally think it is quite interesting because those questions make the reader reflect on themselves and readers can feel polite pressure to reconsider their decisions and eventual choices. The sole purpose of this book is to establish a collaboration between both parties either before or after divorce.

As a reader, I did not find any negative aspects regarding this book. I found a few minor grammatical mistakes at the beginning. I appreciate how much research the author has done for the sake of this book. I rate the book 4 out of 4 stars. One of the best things about this book is its uncomplicated vocabulary which is pretty convenient. I would recommend this book to people around the age group starting at 21 and so on, and those who want to move on without splitting the bond between children and parents or those who are currently suffering at keeping their family together. This book holds great potential.